Me: I told him two days ago that I love Cory.. I'm losing my fuckin mind and the world just keeps spinning like nobody notices I'm half dead..
Mainduh: Yeah. I do notice and have noticed and all I wanted to do while you were at my house was take you everywhere just to make you happy and It did make a little of the hurt go away for a minute. But little spark of happy we get overwhelms me idk about you and then it's gone.
Me: I just don't wanna do this anymore.. I costed him his life in more than one way because I ran my mouth when he was down.. I feel that shit 10 fold now.. Here I sit wishing I could end it and just like him I got nobody talking me out of giving up. Everyone sick of hearing it just like I was and his mom and sister were that night.
Mainduh: What HAPPENED TO OUR LIVES!?!?!
Me: Hell if I fucking know... I had everything i wanted.. My girls.. My home.. My working man.. My nana.. Stayin home with boogy.. And I hated every second of it.. Bitched about everything I had to do to keep my home happy.. And in an instant it all went to shit... Every bit of it.. And not even one thing at a time.. Not over time either.. I had a shitty day and I went the fuck off and then I woke up to a life worth hating.. Where the fuck is the god damn rewind button? He had bad days but that man seen thru me.. Seen my soul and he had so much good in him.. Nobody got to see that but me and his momma.. He shot him self because he could no longer provide a living for me, nana, the girls, and sweet Logan on the weekends.. He just wanted to be the man.. He wanted me to have a life where I cooked like my granny and kept a clean house and he where worked to provide all my desires.. The jeep was a piece of shit, but it was papaw Raley's and it meant more than gold like the stuff of Nana's Chris accidentally threw away r to me now... Priceless.. Then we move to Brandenburg so he can ride with tabby and the day b4 thanksgiving they got into it BAD on the way home.. He again had no way to work.. He felt like he failed me and it had him down.. It escalated quick but FUCK I didn't know... And now that entire fucking life is so far gone... And this one the one I'm left with my karma.. Ha..
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